Performance Monitoring [Sponsored]

1 April 2015

Every smart startup knows you need to monitor your app. But at Vooza, the level of performance monitoring is downright SHOCKING.




Sponsor: AppNeta is the Full Stack Application Performance Management (APM) technology leader, providing integrated performance visibility into the application code, through the network, to the end user. Click here to learn more about AppNeta. (Sponsor Vooza.)


>> Hey guys, I’m getting reports of failed transactions on the app.
>> Are you monitoring things the way I asked you to?
>> Oh, right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
>> We’ve been doing that.
>> Okay, you sound like you’re lying.
>> No, no, no. We’ve been doing tons of monitoring.
>> Yeah, we’re on top of everything in this office.
>> Like, check this out.
>> This app monitors how
much coffee is left
in the coffee maker.
>> And we built this to send you a text every time Eli’s in the bathroom so
you could steal his fancy German cookies.
>> Um-hm.
>> Bad boys.
>> And this one tracks data from our last 90 ping pong matches to determine
seedings for the upcoming tournament.
>> He’s more of a Federer.
>> I’m like a Nadal.
>> Call me a betterer, but, you know.
>> What I was hoping was that you’d use
that AppNeta to monitor stuff, you know?
>> Oh, and we also hooked a heart-rate monitor up to Lisa because she kept
having those nervous breakdowns all the time.
>> And what we found was that her heart rate soars every time she does this
one certain activity.
>> Where the hell is that striped little bastard?
>> So we built us an image recognition software to help her find Waldo.
>> Show yourself, coward.
>> Damn it.
>> Just forget it.
>> Ugh.
>> Still working out the kinks a little bit.
>> Yeah, but she’s getting better.
>> Okay what I was thinking was that you’d use AppNeta to monitor the end
user experience.
>> You know, fix problems between the new off service and the rest of the app.
>> Oh we already did that.
>> The code deployed 20 minutes ago.
>> The errors are gone.
>> That’s good. >> And what’s also helpful is this kind of monitoring.
>> It tracks every time Steve uses an annoying buzz word and gives him a taze.
>> Wait you’re tazing him?
>> Brief electric shock.
>> Gives him a tiny little zap.
>> Very mild.
>> It’s actually funny that you should say that because we have been
recognized as a next-gen solution.
[SOUND] Excuse me.
>> Which is why we’ve been considered thought leaders.
[SOUND] And, end user.
[SOUND] Experience monitor.
>> [LAUGH].
>> Who, who’s been eating my kugelschreiber?
>> Well, I, this one’s a trick because he’s definitely not on this page.
[SOUND] Okay, oh, oh, it’s Waldo at the airport.

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