Your Business Card Sucks

26 February 2014

You call that a business card? Pfft. Now THIS is a business card.


>> Some people wait to be asked for business card.
>> Some people like myself, are much, much more aggressive.
>> I’m gonna hand them out at grocery store.
>> I’m gonna hand them out at the girls I meet.
>> I’m gonna throw them on the floor of a restaurant, say here, pick these up.
>> But first, pick up the phone, and then call me.

>> I create affects, that’s what I do.
>> When I leave a room everyone’s talking about what just happened.
>> I get people to respond.
>> I’m like human tear gas.
>> What’s in here is you buy the best quality business card you can buy.
>> You see this business card?
>> It’s cheap.
>> Strathmore stock, 60 pounds.
>> Holds a crease, can you tear it?
>> Yeah absolutely, looks like crap, it is crap.
>> You just handed me crap, is that polite?
>> Going around the city and handing people piles of crap.
>> That’s disgusting, and it’s the same
>> size business card, that everyone gives me.
>> Oh, you’re a Chief Strategic Officer, wow, I’m really impressed.
>> So what, you’re an officer.
>> I know companies that make $10,000 a year profit, and I know the CEO.
>> I go to conferences.
>> I will never make a criticism unless I have a resolution.
>> You see this card?
>> It is the most impressive business card you’ve ever seen.
>> And it’s mine.
>> It took me 12 years to design this thing.
>> This card is expensive.
>> It’s about $2,000 per card.
>> Because it’s stock.
>> Doesn’t fit in a roll a dex because it doesn’t belong in a roll a dex.
>> Your card should be so good that even if they don’t like you, they will
>> want to frame it because life is
>> not about being liked, it’s about being framed.
>> See this little guy?
>> It’s Calvin taking a leak on the past because that’s what I do.
>> Because I am the future.
>> A car doesn’t tell you about my title.
>> It tells you about the mushroom cloud I leave when I explode all over you.
>> Your gonna be cleanin up after me for days.
>> That’ll by $19.50.
>> Oh.
>> Right.
>> Uh, let’s see here.

>> In there is a 20 spot my friend.
>> And you can keep the change.
>> Enjoy it.
>> Do whatever you want with it.
>> Do some ultimate fighting or whatever it is you do.

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