What is Freemium?

10 December 2014

Learn how “freemium” involves slaves, French babies, and going out of business.


>> Freemium.
>> Freemium is when you write a long letter to your self.
>> That’s when you get cable without paying for it.
>> Freemium is someone who is enslaved and
they think that they want to be free, but they’re not sure.
>> So they’re like free me yeah.
>> Like all the channels.
>> And you put that letter in a bottle and you cast it off.
>> And it’s in that moment that you experience what psychologists would
call freemium.
>> [LAUGH] Freemium is when you pay
extra amount of money to get into the, into like, websites.
>> You get like freemium access to certain types of websites that most,
most people don’t know about.
>> Freemium.
>> Premium.
>> Oh geez, that’s-
>> Though, it’s a, it’s a little tragic.
>> It’s it’s like French babies that are born prematurely and
they, like, they’re a little decrepit, and they’re like.
>> Freemium is like, if you walk in to a restaurant and
you, and you order your meal.
>> And they serve it, and it’s delicious.
>> And then you look at your wallet and
you realized I haven’t worked in four months.
>> I can’t pay for this meal.
>> Then you’re like, I’m going to, I’m going to pay for
this, just put this on my, my freemium card.
>> Freemium is the first stage of bankruptcy for an internet company,
it’s when you think that you can just charge, like, one percent of
the people who use your product, and they’ll pay for all the freeloaders.
>> And then you’re like, oh, wait, that’s not working.
>> So if you don’t say that you just pretend to go to the bathroom then
crawl out the window of the bathroom, and
you can never go back to that restaurant again.
>> That’s like a freemium rate.
>> And then you try selling ads, and
then you hope that you get acquired, and then you just declare bankruptcy.

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