The Perfect Engineer

28 September 2016

Poor social skills. Loves Dr. Who. Carries a bag full of anime figurines. This guy may be the perfect coder. But does he REALLY have Asperger’s? Hmm.


Sagar Bhatt
Matt Ruby
Meg Cupernall
Steve O'Brien


>> Where’d you find Sawyer?
>> Steve’s actually the one who found him.
>> I wonder what that story’s like.
>> It was interesting.
>> [SOUND]
>> So this is the guy?
>> That’s him, man, the holy grail.
>> The undiscovered Asperger’s engineer.
>> I’ve read about guys like that, are you sure he’s got Aspergers?
>> Yeah, man. I mean, look at him.
>> Clue, the guy has no social skills.
>> Just watch.
>> All right.
>> My notebook.
>> You must be interviewing for the new engineering position.
>> I’m Laura.
>> Launch handshake protocol.
>> Hold one second, two second, and release.
>> Nice to meet you.
>> Nice to meet you.
>> Right.
>> Mm-hm.
>> Right.
>> All right, but how do we know he’s really got Asperger’s?
>> Dude, just look at the facts, man.
>> The only time he ever takes a break is to get more Mountain Dew.
>> He wears the same clothes every day.
>> I looked in his bag, it’s nothing but posable anime figurines.
>> And look, check out his resume.
>> It’s just a drawing of a giraffe.
>> Yeah, I think we gotta offer him equity now.
>> All right, well let’s see how the interview goes.
>> I think the interview will go very poorly.
>> And by that I mean-
>> Very well?
>> Very well.
>> All right.
>> So who’d you say is your biggest inspiration?
>> Who Doctor, Doctor Who.
>> And how do you like to spend your free time?
>> I disagree with the whole notion of free time.
>> However, I think the answer you want is I enjoy logic puzzles and
>> board games like Settlers of Catan.
>> I’m offended by the question so I’ll answer a different one.
>> This room is roughly 1112 cubic feet.
>> Not bad, do you have any hobbies?
>> Black boxing, black boxing.
>> What’s black boxing?
>> When a machine runs efficiently, one need only focus on the inputs and
>> outputs, not on the internal, complex-
>> This guy’s amazing.
>> Yeah. >> i’m going to make him an offer.
>> Do it. >> Paradoxically, more opaque and obscure-
>> Tell you what, that all sounds amazing.
>> How’s that for an offer?
>> Need dollars, dollars, more dollars, more money.
>> Dude, give him more, give him more, give him more.
>> All right, all right.
>> Thank you, thank you, thank you.
>> How about that?
>> Thank you.
>> It’s a deal? >> Sanitization.
>> [SOUND]
>> Okay, good to be clean, I guess.
>> So we got a deal?
>> One Mississippi, two Mississippi and release.
>> All right.
>> Thanks, man. >> [SOUND]
>> Too loud.
>> Sorry.
>> Just fist bump.
>> There you go.
>> So now that that’s out of the way, why don’t we talk about you and me.
>> I’m celebrating this new gig tonight with some bottle service at Marquis.
>> Why don’t you come by with some friends?
>> We could use the arm candy.
>> I’m sorry, I thought you had Asperger’s.
>> No, I faked it so they’d give me more money.
>> Anyway, dinner is at ten at I want you to keep the hair and
>> lose the shoes, all right?
>> Okay.
>> Hey, Laura, what’s up?
>> Initiate handshake.
>> One, two, release.
>> You doing okay?
>> Can I have a raise?

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