Startup Translations

21 April 2015

The Vooza team explains popular startup terms like pre-revenue, stealth mode, exposure, cookie, monetization, futurist, etc.


>> We’re not broke.
>> We’re pre-revenue which actually means we’re totally broke.
>> Also you can use this in your personal life too.
>> I’m not single, I’m just pre girlfriend.
>> We’re in stealth mode.
>> We’re embarrassed and
ashamed of how bad our product is and desperately need more time.
>> Like a, a lot of time.
>> How much time do you have?
>> The product’s bad.
>> I took this Buzzfeed quiz and I got.
>> Please help me.
>> I don’t have anything to do.
>> Cookie, well that’s a tracking device that knows everywhere you go.
>> Sounds cute though, doesn’t it?
>> You’ll get great exposure.
>> What someone promises you, when they don’t want to actually pay you.
>> Yeah, why don’t you go tell my landlord to start taking exposure as rent?
>> We’re going to figure out monetization later.
>> Basically we’re going to get you hooked on our service and
then just bombard you with ads later.
>> Who doesn’t love ads?
>> They make the world go round.
>> Don’t be evil.
>> Okay.
>> So that means we are giving all of your data to the NSA.
>> All of it.
>> Everything you know.
>> Everything you’ve ever said, basically.
>> Every email, everything you’ve ever searched,
you wouldn’t believe what we know about you really.
>> But we’re not evil [LAUGH], no.
>> Futurist, professional bull shitter.
>> Entrepreneur, someone who is both unemployable and
a delusional narcissist.
>> Journalist, someone who just like searches for animated gif’s and
then writes a line like, when this happens, I’m all like.
>> And then lets the gif do the talking.
>> We are proudly, almost defiantly geeky.
>> No one here understands basic social skills.

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