>> Let’s talk about something important.
>> We all here?
>> Actually there’s one more.
>> I’m going anyways.
>> Put that coffee down!
>> Coffee’s for people who send email
>> campaigns with
>> a click-through rate of 5% or higher only.
>> You think I’m messing with you?

>> I am not messing with you.
>> I’m the King of Clicks.

>> I advise all the top start-ups.

>> And I get laid constantly.

>> Your name’s Steve?
>> Yeah.
>> You call yourself a VP of Business
>> Development, you son of a bitch!
>> All right, I don’t have to listen to
>> this.
>> You certainly don’t pal!
>> But you might want to!
>> Cuz we’re adding a little something to
>> this month’s Click Through Rate Contest.
>> As you all know, first prize is a VIP pass
>> to South by Southwest Interactive.
>> You wanna know what the second prize is?

>> Second prize is a Groupon for teeth
>> whitening.
>> Third prize is you’re fired.

>> You get the picture?

>> You got an email list, they signed up at
>> your site, so sell them.
>> You can’t sell them?
>> You can’t sell crap.
>> You are crap!
>> Hit the bricks pal, cuz you are out of
>> here!
>> Come on, the email list is weak.
>> The email list is weak?
>> God damn email list is weak?
>> You’re weak!
>> I’ve been in this business since the first
>> dot com bubble.
>> So, wha, what was your name again?
>> File not found!
>> That’s my name!
>> You want to know why pal?
>> Cuz you use a refurbished Dell!
>> And I use a $5,000 MacBook Pro with a
>> Retina display!
>> That’s my name!

>> You can’t play in a man’s game.

>> A, B, C!
>> They should always be clicking.

>> They should always be clicking.

>> You think they signed up for your list cuz
>> they got bored at Gawker?
>> A man doesn’t sign up for an email list
>> unless he wants to buy.
>> Out there just waiting to give you their
>> money.
>> Are you gonna take it?
>> Are you man enough to take it?
>> Get mad, you sons of bitches, get mad!

>> You know what it takes to get clicks on
>> your email?
>> It takes a brass mouse to get clicks on
>> your email.

>> Why are you not paying attention to me?

>> I have an email list.
>> It’s on my knitting site, where I get tons
>> of clicks already.
>> Yeah, I use MailChimp.
>> It has AB testing built in so I can use
>> two subject lines on 10% of my emails, and
>> then it figures out which one’s the best,
>> and then
>> I can use that subject line for all the
>> others.

>> It’s really great, I can show you how.
>> If you just let me have that mouse.
>> Deal.
>> A, B, K.
>> Always be knitting.
>> Always be knitting.