Your Business Card Sucks

You call that a business card? Pfft. Now THIS is a business card.

Searchable Captions™ provided by cielo24.
Some people wait to be asked for business card.
Some people like myself, are much, much more aggressive.
I'm gonna hand them out at grocery store.
I'm gonna hand them out at the girls I meet.
I'm gonna throw them on the floor of a restaurant, say here, pick these up.
But first, pick up the phone, and then call me.
I create affects, that's what I do.
When I leave a room everyone's talking about what just happened.
I get people to respond.
I'm like human tear gas.
What's in here is you buy the best quality business card you can buy.
You see this business card?
It's cheap.
Strathmore stock, 60 pounds.
Holds a crease, can you tear it?
Yeah absolutely, looks like crap, it is crap.
You just handed me crap, is that polite?
Going around the city and handing people piles of crap.
That's disgusting, and it's the same
size business card, that everyone gives me.
Oh, you're a Chief Strategic Officer, wow, I'm really impressed.
So what, you're an officer.
I know companies that make $10,000 a year profit, and I know the CEO.
I go to conferences.
I will never make a criticism unless I have a resolution.
You see this card?
It is the most impressive business card you've ever seen.
And it's mine.
It took me 12 years to design this thing.
This card is expensive.
It's about $2,000 per card.
Because it's stock.
Doesn't fit in a roll a dex because it doesn't belong in a roll a dex.
Your card should be so good that even if they don't like you, they will
want to frame it because life is
not about being liked, it's about being framed.
See this little guy?
It's Calvin taking a leak on the past because that's what I do.
Because I am the future.
A car doesn't tell you about my title.
It tells you about the mushroom cloud I leave when I explode all over you.
Your gonna be cleanin up after me for days.
>> That'll by $19.50.
>> Oh.
Uh, let's see here.
In there is a 20 spot my friend.
And you can keep the change.
Enjoy it.
Do whatever you want with it.
Do some ultimate fighting or whatever it is you do.
Searchable Captions™ provided by cielo24.

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