The Truth About Acquisitions

Every company that gets acquired says the same thing: We’re in it for the long haul. Nothing’s going to change. The new management “gets it.” But then reality sets in and the truth about acquisitions is revealed.

Searchable Captions™ provided by cielo24.
[INAUDIBLE]
>> I just hope they have good food.
>> Hey, where are you guys headed?
>> Oh, uh, Flipbox just got acquired, so we're gonna go to that party.
>> Nice, hang on, I'll come with.
>> You don't wanna come man, it's like uh,
everybody's gonna be wearing red sweaters, you'll look weird.
>> Do you guys not want me to come?
>> Nobody wants you to come.
>> Why?
>> Remember what happened that last
time when that company upstairs got acquired?
>> Yeah.
>> Great news everyone, we've been acquired.
>> Yeah!
Woo!
>> Now I know that a change like this is scary, but I wanted to assure
you that the company that acquired us, is
filled with people that totally get our app.
They want to preserve the community and the flavor that we're going for.
Make no mistake about it we're in it for the long haul.
All right we're keeping the same management.
>> [LAUGH]
>> And the same team.
>> [LAUGH]
>> Is something funny?
>> I mean, I'm just sayin you know.
In it for the long haul?
I mean come on.
>> [NOISE]
>> What what I am not trying to be a
jerk here but we all know what's really going on I
mean, this company is going to like kill off I
mean, sunset the app within like six months, a year tops.
We all realize that right?
I mean there's no real business model here that's why he's gotta sell it.
>> [CROSSTALK]
>> Look, uh, we're really excited
about the opportunities we got moving forward.
>> Yeah, yeah, that's what the Lucius said,
that's what Dodgeball said, it's what Flicker said.
It's what everyone gets acquired said.
I mean, you're lying because you need
to make sure that all your employees stay
motivated now that they're gone to work for
some massive corporations with endless layers of bureaucracy,
crappy programmers and cash from stuff that
they made from 15 years ago that they
usually take a flier on you guys and
the slim chance to succeed which it won't.
>> Oh.
>> You know uh, then you guys will all just be fired or quit.
>> Aw.
>> Boo!
>> Is this really surprising to you guys?
I mean, why am I such a jerk for saying something we all know?
You know?
That you're not in it for the long haul.
The management's gonna quit as soon as they can.
The customers are gonna wind up screwed.
All you employees are going to hate your new bosses,
and the product is eventually gonna be left to rot.
>> Sit down.
>> You all know it's true, why is this shocking?
You weren't thinking that this was a business
partnership between Henry Ford and Thomas Edison were you?
And also spinach pies?
Come on buy like pigs in a blanket like a decent human being.
>> Cheers, everyone!
[LAUGH]
>> Hey uh, you guys hiring?
>> Ah, no.
No.
[MUSIC].
Searchable Captions™ provided by cielo24.

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