Always Be Clicking [Sponsored]

The King of Clicks gives the Vooza staff a lesson on getting clickthroughs. (Sponsored by MailChimp, we use ‘em to send all our email newsletter and you should too.)

>> Let's talk about something important.
We all here?
>> Actually there's one more.
>> I'm going anyways.
Put that coffee down!
Coffee's for people who send email campaigns with
a click-through rate of 5% or higher only.
You think I'm messing with you?
I am not messing with you.
I'm the King of Clicks.
I advise all the top start-ups.
And I get laid constantly.
Your name's Steve?
>> Yeah.
>> You call yourself a VP of Business Development, you son of a bitch!
>> All right, I don't have to listen to this.
>> You certainly don't pal!
But you might want to!
Cuz we're adding a little something to this month's Click Through Rate Contest.
As you all know, first prize is a VIP pass to South by Southwest Interactive.
You wanna know what the second prize is?
Second prize is a Groupon for teeth whitening.
Third prize is you're fired.
You get the picture?
You got an email list, they signed up at your site, so sell them.
You can't sell them?
You can't sell crap.
You are crap!
Hit the bricks pal, cuz you are out of here!
>> Come on, the email list is weak.
>> The email list is weak?
God damn email list is weak?
You're weak!
I've been in this business since the first dot com bubble.
>> So, wha, what was your name again?
>> File not found!
That's my name!
You want to know why pal?
Cuz you use a refurbished Dell!
And I use a $5,000 MacBook Pro with a Retina display!
That's my name!
You can't play in a man's game.
A, B, C!
They should always be clicking.
They should always be clicking.
You think they signed up for your list cuz they got bored at Gawker?
A man doesn't sign up for an email list unless he wants to buy.
Out there just waiting to give you their money.
Are you gonna take it?
Are you man enough to take it?
Get mad, you sons of bitches, get mad!
You know what it takes to get clicks on your email?
It takes a brass mouse to get clicks on your email.
Why are you not paying attention to me?
>> I have an email list.
It's on my knitting site, where I get tons of clicks already.
Yeah, I use MailChimp.
It has AB testing built in so I can use two subject lines on 10% of my emails, and
then it figures out which one's the best, and then
I can use that subject line for all the others.
It's really great, I can show you how.
If you just let me have that mouse.
>> Deal.
>> A, B, K.
Always be knitting.
Always be knitting.
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