Performance Review [Sponsored]
Performance reviews are painful for everyone, especially if your boss rates employees using emojis.
Sponsor: This episode sponsored by ObjectiveManager, performance improvement software that generates connectivity between people and clients.
I hate performance reviews.
>> So we both know this is going to be awkward, contrived, and
a huge waste of time.
>> A boring, pointless.
>> Bureaucratic exercise.
>> Also, I've done zero preparation for it.
>> So let's begin.
>> I'm going to rank you in the following categories.
Now, in the past I've done this on a scale of one to five, but
some people didn't like that system.
Ooh, snake eyes.
Sorry about that.
So for this year, I'm giving you an emoji for each category.
For problem solving, I give you a flamenco dancer.
For initiative, a giant cat face with an open mouth.
For organizational skills, a top hat and for
professionalism, a Japanese goblin.
>> I feel like I haven't been getting enough feedback.
>> Really? We've been doing quarterly performance reviews.
>> We have?
>> Remember those text messages I sent you?
[NOISE] >> Honestly,
you've been doing a great job, but I have to give failing
performance reviews to 20% of the staff, so.
>> Okay, time for
you set low personal standards and consistently fail to achieve them.
Hm, that's pretty clever.
>> So you're not going to say anything about that,
I'll have to put you down as a conflict avoider.
You haven't kept me informed about your progress.
>> [LAUGH] You told me to never email you, and if I did,
you wouldn't read it anyway.
And you said never talk to you in front of other people.
And that one time I did try to talk to you, you said shh.
>> That's not an excuse.
>> I won three new clients last February.
>> Look, I can't be expected to remember what you did 11 months ago.
>> I always try to have a thorough documentation of results.
That's why I've been scribbling down stuff about you for
the past year on post-it notes alongside my to do lists.
So, pick up laundry.
Is that you?
>> To be honest, I have no idea what you do.
>> You should check out the new software I've been using called
It's super simple.
I've listed the five objectives I need to achieve in the next year, and
I've planned out how I'm going to make that happen.
Then I record my progress along the way and
it gets shared with the team as soon as I post it.
And I can ask for feedback at any point so I know I'm on the right track.
>> You have to write all that down, huh?
>> No, it means I'm sharing my goals with everyone in the company so
I know we're on the same page.
>> Okay, I see what they mean when they call you defensive.
>> Actually, you should try it.
If we knew what you were focused on, it would really help the whole team.
>> Shows disrespect towards supervisor.
>> You did a great job, so I'm giving you fours across the board.
Why not fives?
Because only Xenu, dictator of the Galactic Confederacy,
exceeds expectations, Charles.
Now, let's set some goals for the coming year and
forget about them as soon as this meeting ends.