Coach Snoop
Celeb get away with anything. Example:
Snoop Dogg coaches his 8-year old son's pee wee football team. Now I love Snoop, but is he really the role model we want in charge of a bunch of 8-year olds? I'm imagining motivational halftime speeches that end with the kids bitchslapping hos, smoking blunts, and downing 40s. Was Suge Knight not available? Who's in charge of the cheerleading squad, John Mark Karr?
Don't youth leagues have some sort of screening process...a background check or something? 'Cuz it's tough to imagine Snoop's review: "Let's see...known gang affiliation, constant drug use, murder indictment...yup, you sound like the perfect guy to watch over our kids!"
And then there at least 20 sets of parents who willingly turn their kids over to him too. Perhaps they feel his strong pimp hand is a sign of top-notch management skills. Once you're able to keep a stable of crack hos in line, it's probably a breeze to make sure a bunch of 8-year olds stay onsides.
11/20/2006 | 
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A response to Paul Rosen's letter to Entertainment Weekly
An actual letter to the Editor from Entertainment Weekly (Nov 3 issue):
You've got to be kidding me. Kirsten Dunst on the cover, looking hotter than ever, and then another seven pictures gracing the pages inside, each one better than the last? I am currently working on bettering my marriage and you come out with this? Thanks for nothing!
Paul Rosen
Rochester, NY
My response...
Dear Mr. Rosen,
In your letter to Entertainment Weekly, you wrote that you are currently working on bettering your marriage. In that case, I have a small suggestion for you: Stop writing letters to national publications in which you publicly declare how much you would like to fuck someone other than your wife. You would be amazed at how far such a small gesture will go toward improving marital relations!
Matt Ruby
New York, NY
11/09/2006 | Permalink |
Bass news
Brian Fife's Top Ten Great Bass Lines...
Bass player offenses/fines list: "Asking leader for a solo -- $30 Accepting solo when offered -- $50"...
Eddie Van Halen has announced that his 15-year-old son Wolfgang will be the new bass player for Van Halen. No prob. This ain't exactly Jaco Pastorius he's replacing. To replace Michael Anthony, all he needs to do is work a goofy grin, play nothing but root notes, and drink lots of Jack Daniels.
11/08/2006 | Permalink |
What To Do At Your Next Fashion Show
I have this great concept for a runway fashion show. All the models come out strutting in their clothes. When each one gets to the end of the runway, she stands around, looks bored for a few seconds, then pulls out her cellphone and checks her text messages. Then she turns around and exits the stage. Another runway idea: Have all the models come out with toilet paper sticking to the bottom of their shoes. These ideas are open source. Run with 'em.
11/03/2006 | Permalink |
